


Have You Been an Alumnus of Heaven or Hell?

by LauraAnneB



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Fluff, Multi, Musicals, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23623222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraAnneB/pseuds/LauraAnneB
Summary: Barbara, Adam and Beetlejuice learn a bit more about each other while watching the musical CATS.
Relationships: Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	Have You Been an Alumnus of Heaven or Hell?

“Halfway through this movie, and I still don’t know what a Jellicle cat is,” Adam grumbled.

Barbara cuddled in closer to her husband. Adam had one arm around her shoulders and one arm around Beetlejuice’s shoulders. The Deetzes were at work and school, so it was just the three undead members of the Deetz-Maitland household watching the movie. “Just listen to the music, sweetie. The lyrics are based off of children’s poems. The words don’t matter.”

“Guys, do you wanna--” Beetlejuice began.

“We do not want to make love as the terrifying cat-humans from 2019′s _CATS_ , Beetlejuice,” Barbara said.

_Damnit, speaking for Adam again…._ They’d talked about this in their latest couple’s counselling session with Delia. She mouthed ‘Sorry’ to her husband, who smiled and made a small, dismissive gesture with his hand. Barbara was completely right about Adam’s lack of interest in…furries? is that what the cat-people in this movie were?…but that didn’t mean she should speak for him as much as she did.

It was a bad habit she’d picked up since she and Adam started dating Beetlejuice. A little way to exert control now that their relationship had more chaos in it. Polyamory was new to the Maitlands; this was probably the first of many issues that would come up.

In a way, the adjustments they needed to make were a good thing. That meant she and Adam were changing and growing. And wasn’t growth the point of life? Or life after death, as the case may be.

Beetlejuice scowled at her, but only briefly; he’d barely taken his gaze off the TV screen since they’d started _CATS_. “Maybe I wasn’t gonna say ‘let’s bang as sexy cat-people.’” He paused. “Eh, even I didn’t believe that. You guys know me too well.”

“And we’d like to get to know you better,” Adam said. “When did you first get interested in _CATS_?”

He glared. “What?! I told you--everyone kept talking up how scary the movie was, so I wanted to see it! That’s all! And everyone was lying, by the way. I haven’t been scared once.”

“It’s more confusing than scary,” Adam said. “Why do some of the cats wear clothes? How does Rebel Wilson Cat take off her fur--”

“Jennyanydots,” Beetlejuice snapped. His eyes widened and he cleared his throat. “Or whatever.”

Barbara and Adam shared a look. To push or not to push? Sometimes an innocent question about the demon’s backstory meant hours of consoling him after triggering a memory of his mother. Barbara wasn’t sure she was up for that today, so she tried to keep things open-ended.

“Sorry if we’re making fun of something you like. I’m sure the stage show is lots of fun.” People in leotards and makeup had to be better than this. Jason Derulo Cat had been about to suck Victoria’s toes. Ugh!

“Never saw it,” Beetlejuice said. “But the old lady you bought this dump from loved the Webberverse. She played his CDs all the time. _JC Superstar, Phantom, Evita, Starlight Express_ ….” He sounded wistful until he caught himself. “Y'know, all that ‘80s schlock. Drove me batshit. If I’d had my powers, I could’ve made every musical she ever played turn into Satanic chanting or screams.” He grinned, teeth turning pointed and eyes gleaming green. “That woulda been fun.”

All Barbara could think of was the demon floating behind an old lady as she went about her day, cursing her out while secretly getting swept up in the music. Lloyd Webber’s songs were catchy as heck.

“All Andrew Lloyd Webber all the time must have been difficult,” Adam said. Her husband usually had good Beetle-senses, as Barbara called them, so she didn’t add anything, and the conversation died down, except when Beetlejuice complained about how "they no-homo’d Mr. Mistoffelees and Rum Tum Tugger.”

* * *

It was Jennifer Hudson singing “Memory _”_ that set the demon off. He started sniffling, his entire body and suit turning dark blue. Barbara, who was also sniffling–Jennifer Hudson had made this entire movie worth it–reached across Adam and held Beetlejuice’s hand. Beetlejuice rested his head on Adam’s shoulder, while Adam gently stroked his blue hair.

“Tell Lydia about this, and I’ll send you back to the Netherworld when you least expect it,” Beetlejuice hissed gloopily, before blowing into his tie like it was a handkerchief. (Given the greenish stains on his tie, it seemed like he used his tie for that a lot.)

“Your secret is safe with us, beetle,” Adam said. They were still working on pet names.

Beetlejuice wiped at his eyes. “Ugh. Worst part is, I can never dump you guys now. You know too much about me. You can ruin my rep way too easy!”

He’d mentioned leaving them before in a jokey way, and they’d let him joke about it, knowing that was a way he coped with things. But now the pain behind the joke made her heart ache.

_Touch me, it’s so easy to leave me, all alone with my memories of my days in the sun._

“We’d never do that,” she assured him. “Not that I want you to leave us, of course. But you should stay with us because you want to, not because of what might happen after.”

Beetlejuice looked surprised, some of the blue draining from him. “Babs, baby, I was just bullshitting. I’m…Jesus, you know.” He squirmed, colours roiling between blue and purple, before he finally muttered, “In it. This thing we got.”

Barbara understood his reluctance to say it. Being vulnerable enough to want the Maitlands was hard for Beetlejuice. They were a married couple who loved each other. They’d gotten along fine before him. He probably assumed they could probably get along fine without him. But Barbara was finding it harder and harder to imagine her and Adam’s future without Beetlejuice in it.

Adam gave a pleased hum and kissed Beetlejuice’s hair. 

Barbara squeezed his hand. “Thanks, BJ. It’s good to hear that your ‘Love Never Dies.’”

The final hint of blue disappeared from Beetlejuice as he stared flatly at her. “Keep those bad jokes up and it will.”

Adam flinched. “Oh, God, Dame Judi Dench Cat is staring at the camera. Why is she staring at the camera?!”

Barbara didn’t have any answers. All she could do was kiss her husband’s cheek.


End file.
